Ann Caruso: “This Is the Only Way I Can Live or Survive”

Ann
Caruso
was
busy.
Her
career
in
the
fashion
industry
had
taken
off.
She
was
a
contributing
fashion
editor
at

Harper’s
BAZAAR,
a
stylist
doing
ad
campaigns
and
fashion
shows
and
dressing
celebrities,
and
a
brand
consultant.
She
didn’t
have

time
for
breast
cancer.

“I
was
in
a
place
in
my
life
where
I
was
very
joyous
and
free,”
Caruso
says.
“I
was
working
a
lot
and
I
was
very
happy.
And
this
matters,
because
things
change
after
you
have
been
diagnosed
and
you
go
through
treatment.”

This
was
in
2007.
Then
Caruso
found
a
lump
in
her
breast
while
in
the
shower.
At
first
she
thought
that
it
would
go
away.
Then
she
felt
it
again.
And

then
it
started
getting
a
little
bit
bigger
and
painful.
This
is
when
she
made
an
appointment
with
her
doctor,
who
then
ordered
a
mammogram—which
would
take
months
to
get,
because
her
doctor
insisted
on
a
particular
facility.
Eventually,
frustrated
by
her
doctor’s
inflexibility,
she
switched
to
a
new
one.

Five
months
after
finding
the
lump,
she
was
finally
able
to
have
a
mammogram
and
sonogram,
which
resulting
in
a
diagnosis
of
stage
1
breast
cancer.
“Anytime
you
hear
the
word

cancer,
it’s
so
scary,”
Caruso
says.
“I
thought,

Am
I
going
to
die?
Am
I
going
to
be
OK?
Who
do
I
call?
What
am
I
going
to
do?
What
do
I
do
with
this?
It’s
just
frightening.”

Her
next
step
was
to
interview
breast-cancer
surgeons—several
of
them—“because
when
you
get
a
diagnosis,
you
have
to
get
it
out,”
she
says.
With
breast
cancer,
surgeons
often
take
out
lymph
nodes.
Normally
10
to
40
are
taken
out,
with
the
average
being
less
than
20,
according
to
the

American
Cancer
Society.
“I
saw
a
doctor
who
was
going
to
take
out
48
and
another
who
was
gonna
take
out
18.”

Finally,
one
of
her
celebrity
clients
connected
her
with
a
surgeon
she
loved,
who
was
the
only
one
who
did
an
MRI
on
her.
“We
found
two
more
tumors,”
Caruso
says.
“So
I
had
four
in
one
breast,
and
I
ended
up
having
to
have
a
mastectomy.”

Taking
doctor’s
orders
to
have
fun
before
her
surgery,
she
went
on
photo
shoots
on
the
West
Coast.
When
she
returned,
she
had
a
single
mastectomy,
which
was
conservative
at
the
time.
She
recalls
that
many
women
at
the
time
were
opting
to
have
the
aggressive
double
mastectomy,
especially
if
they
had
the
BRCA
gene,
which
she
didn’t.
“I
am
happy
with
my
decision,”
she
says.
“I
mean,
that
was
2008.
Breast
cancer
has
come
a
long
way.
And
people
don’t
realize
when
you
have
a
mastectomy,
it’s
an
amputation—you’re
removing
a
body
part.”

Caruso’s
mastectomy
ended
up
taking
her
recovery
in
an
unforeseen
direction,
as
she
had
complications
with
her
reconstruction,
including
an
infection
that
nearly
killed
her
and
subjected
her
to
five
weeks
of
around-the-clock
care.

She
also
had
a
very
difficult
time
healing.
“It
hasn’t
been
easy,”
she
says.
“My
life
was
very
stressful,
and
I
didn’t
have
a
ton
of
help
at
home.
I’m
single
and
my
family
tried
to
come
and
help,
but
then
they
had
to
leave.”
It
didn’t
help
that
she
ended
up
with
a
lot
of
scar
tissue
that
caused
her
pain.
To
make
matters
worse,
she
had
a
hard
time
with
the
popular
treatment
for
breast
cancer
at
the
time
and
had
to
go
off
it
after
two
years.
“This
could
be
why
my
cancer
came
back
in
three
years.”

Her
second
bout
wasn’t
any
easier.
After
finding
a
lump
in
the
same
place
that
she’d
found
the
first
one,
she
again
had
a
difficult
time
being
diagnosed.
“No
one
believed
I
had
cancer,”
she
says.
“But
I
knew
something
was
wrong
with
me.
I
really
advise
women
to
advocate
for
themselves.
If
you
feel
like
something’s
wrong,
keep
pushing
it.
No
matter
how
amazing
the
doctor
is,
get
first,
second,
and
third
opinion.”

While
MRIs,
sonograms,
and
X-rays
didn’t
detect
the
cancer
this
time,
a
biopsy
of
a
lumpectomy
did.
“It
was
at
a
very
early
stage,
but
just
because
it’s
an
early
stage
doesn’t
mean
it’s
going
to
be
an
easy
ride,”
Caruso
says.

She
endured
more
surgeries,
radiation,
hormonal
treatments,
and
other
shots—to
prevent
osteoporosis
and
the
cancer
from
spreading
to
her
bones.
Part
of
her
treatment
was
having
her
ovaries
taken
out,
which
induced
her
into
menopause.
(This
has
been
shown
to
help

halt
breast
cancer
progression.)
And
while
her
first
time
around
she
had
still
been
able
to
work,
Caruso
couldn’t
really
do
that
this
go-around.
“I
had
third-degree
burns
from
radiation,
because
my
skin
was
very
thin
from
all
my
surgeries
from
that
time
and
the
time
before,”
she
remembers.

In
2015,
Caruso
was
named

Fashion
Daily’s
Fashion
Stylist
of
the
Year
and
styled
a
high-profile
celebrity
wedding.
She
continued
to
have
treatment
until
2018,
but
she
will
be
taking
cancer
meds
for
the
rest
of
her
life.
She
lives
with
the
side
effects
(of
which
she
minimizes
the
impact
by
taking
the
drugs
at
night),
noting
they’re
far
better
than
getting
another
diagnosis.
“I’m
just
happy
and
grateful
that
I
am
here,
so
I’ll
live
with
the
aches
and
pains,”
she
says.
“It’s
just
part
of
being,
you
know,
you
kind
of
just
overlook
it—and
just
stay
happy.”

Today,
Caruso
continues
to
work
as
well
as
act
as
an
advocate
and
role
model
for
others.
But
sharing
her
breast-cancer
journey
wasn’t
always
natural
for
her.
It
was
Glenda
Bailey,
then
the
editor
in
chief
of

Harper’s
BAZAAR,
who
convinced
her
in
2008
that
telling
her
story
could
help
others.
After
the
article
was
published,
“a
lot
of
women
reached
out
and
told
me
how
helpful
it
was
for
them,
and
wanted
to
ask
me
so
many
questions,”
she
says.
“I
felt
like
it
was
a
service
to
women—and
I
was
already
doing
service
in
other
areas
of
my
life,
by
helping
girls
and
women
with
other
issues,
so
this
was
a
natural
progression
for
me.”
She
used
the
experience
as
a
springboard
to
getting
involved
with
multiple
breast-cancer
organizations.

The
article
that
started
Caruso’s
journey
as
a
breast-cancer
activist
and
role
model.

“It’s
something
that
I
really
care
about,
because
I
know
how
much
it’s
changed
my
life
and
how
important
it
is
to
women,”
Caruso
says.
“And
now
I
see
all
these
women
sharing
their
stories,
and
they
help
me.
I
get
a
lot
out
of
other
women
sharing
their
stories.
So
I
think
it’s
important.”

Caruso
also
offers
support
at
a
personal
level,
through
social
media.
Many
women
who
follow
her
will
send
a
DM,
and
she
spends
time
connecting
with
them.
“​​I
don’t
even
know
what
they
look
like,”
she
says,
“and
they’ll
message
me
from
the
hospital
and
say,
‘I
just
had
my
mastectomy.
This
is
how
I’m
feeling.
I
just
wanted
to
let
you
know—you’ve
helped
me.’”
While
she
can’t
always
follow
up
with
everyone,
if
she
can
find
a
way,
she
does
and
will:
“I
do
it
because
I
actually
care.”

She
really
does,
as
evidenced,
for
example,
by
the
response
she
got
from
two
breast-cancer
survivors
working
at
a
resort
in
Dubai
when
they
realized
Caruso
was
there
on
business.
“They
told
my
friend
that
they
never
ask
to
meet
anyone,
but
they
had
to
meet
me
because
of
following
me
and
my
journey
on
social,”
Caruso
recalls.
“I
had
a
picture
taken
with
them.
I
just
could
not
believe,
all
the
way
in
the
Middle
East
…
I
don’t
post
all
the
time
about
[my
breast
cancer],
because
I
don’t
want
people
to
think
that’s
all
I
know,
but
when
I
did,
it
impacted
them
so
much,
they
said.
It
was
mind-blowing.
Sharing
makes
you
feel
like
you’re
not
alone.”

As
Caruso
looks
back
at
her
journey,
she
finds
it
amazing,
in
more
ways
than
one.
It
taught
her
how
important
her
health
is—“like,
health
is
wealth,”
she
says,
adding
that
she
was
also
struck
by
how
emotional
the
entire
experience
has
been.
“You
really
feel
so
much
when
you
almost
lose
your
life,
and
when
you
lose
a
lot.
You
learn
to
be
so
grateful,
every
day,
for
the
small
things,
for
the
big
things,
for
every
relationship.”

And
there’s
another
thing
she’s
taken
from
her
path:
“just
how
important
it
is
to
tell
someone
that
you
love
them,
because
you
don’t
know
what
tomorrow’s
gonna
bring,”
Caruso
says.
“I
called
my
mom
today.
She’s
91,
and
I
just
wanted
to
tell
her,
‘I
love
you
and
miss
you.’
And,
you
know,
it
just
made
her
so
happy.
I
think
we
need
to
do
that
with
our
friends,
too.
But
a
lot
of
people
don’t
live
their
life
like
that.
So
I’m
trying
to
surround
myself
with
people
that
understand
that,
because
they
also
can
give
that
back
to
you.”

Caruso
is
now
in
remission
for
the
longest
time
since
she
was
diagnosed.
But
she
wants
everyone
to
know
that
every
breast-cancer
story
is
different.
“Someone
might
have
it
and
go
through
it
for
a
month,
and
then
it’s
over,”
she
says,
“Or
maybe
it’s
six
months
or
a
year
or
two
years
…
or
they
struggle
with
it
for
the
rest
of
their
lives.
I
think
it’s
important
not
to
judge
it.
And
if
you’re
going
through
it,
find
ways
to
stay
happy
and
positive,
live
with
gratitude,
stay
present,
and
take
things
day
by
day.
And
be
kind—not
only
to
yourself
but
to
others—and
just
work
on
staying
healthy
mentally
and
physically.

“This
is
a
daily
process,”
she
continues.
“This
is
the
only
way
I
can
live
or
survive,
but
remember,
life
is
always
in
progress
and
not
perfect.”